So apparently I'm more disappointed than I thought I would be. I mean- I knew going into the test my loop sucked, and if the judges really held the standard I shouldn't pass. But I also knew I'm as good as most of the bronze skaters in the area, and the day before one of the judges told me I'm better than one of them... I guess it was kind of disheartening because, really, if the judges expect a fully rotated loop, and I can't make it up by the strength of my other elements (a judge on skating forums says this is a "serious error" and requires a retry) then I won't pass this test. I am not going to be able to do a full loop. And that really doesn't matter to me. I don't really enjoy jumping, and I certainly don't enjoy jumping on my left leg. It hurts my knees and my ankles. But apparently there isn't going to be a "good enough". I'm not going to not try the test again, but it looks like I'm just gambling on lenient judges... Adult nationals might not be in my future...
But I digress. So yeah, I'm more bummed than I thought. I nearly cried on the way to skating today. I just didn't want to go. It made me think of the scene from "Center Stage" where the Mom pulls the 'chubby' girl from the academy "Ballet used to make her happy." Yeah, skating used to do that. Now I come home crying. Or go there crying.
Why am I doing this?
It used to be hard, but I liked it. Now i'm just frustrated with it. I'm not good at anything anymore. In basic skills, I was good- I could balance and picked up skills relatively fast. In low freestyle, well I sucked at jumps, but I had decent spins. Now- nothing. My spins aren't even good anymore, and they just frustrate me.
I don't know what to do to get back to happy with skating.
Maybe the answer is remember Saturday. I was freaking thrilled on Saturday. How quickly the tide turned...
Also, I want my scratch spin back.
Early Autumn
1 month ago
2 comments:
I totally know how you feel - it is very hard to work a long time for something and not get it. I failed my 10th figure test twice; it took me almost three years to pass it. Even now, I have been having some back pains, so on a good day I can skate well, but some days I can't do hardly anything. It is especially frustrating right now because I am trying to get ready for some of my own tests, and it is annoying when I used to be able to do things, but now I really can't. Sometimes when you are really upset the best thing to do is take a few days off and focus on other things - you will be itching to skate before you know it, and skating will make you happy again.
I began figure skating as an adult, and I've been at it nearly 4 yrs. I've passed fewer tests (I've been working on silver MIF for nearly a year, and I'm still working on toe loop, to give you an idea.) I'd like to recommend complementing your skating with a good yoga practice with good teachers. Physically, it has helped me with alignment, strength, and flexibility. But mentally, it has helped me learn the patience to "be where I am" on any given day in practice, and to practice gratitude for what my body can do. This is useful for any adult skater, I think.
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