Lost the motivation to keep a journal.

So I haven't posted in awhile.  Oops.  I guess it is because things are pretty much the same.

Lessons with Taylor are going really well.  Tomorrow is my last one, and then Carson comes back.  I'm a little bummed, I wish I could alternate between the two of them.  They both have their strengths.

I think my loop is a little stronger, at least when I remember to actually get over my left side.  I'm landing on my toe pick more often.  Taylor calls them fully rotated, but who knows. 

I learned I am a conscientious objector to a flip.  It just isn't going to happen.  I really like half flip, but I don't pull my leg in correctly on the pick, and so it leaves me in an open position.  Single flip won't work in the open position.  I've gotten better at pulling in correctly (we just enter and pick, and then roll of the toe pick into a glide- that actually took a harness lesson to get me to do!  I lean forward in a protective instinct, because I don't want to fall backwards) but to pull in and then backspin is impossible.  I CANNOT bend my left leg.  It just does not work.  I want to pole vault, which is wrong.  But I looked it up in the Bible, and it is against my religion, so now I don't have to do flips anymore.  I never though I'd find something worse than a loop.

My camel has improved.  I have good days and bad days.  Once I even did a spin that left circles traced on the ice.  I still feel like a hippopotamus doing an airplane impression though, but at least I'm leaning more to the outside...

My backspin-well, I'm crossing it more, but it is still as a 4, not in a closed position.  This prevents me from picking up the speed I have when I'm not crossed.  And I still freak out after being crossed for a few revolutions.

My test is Friday.  I'm terrified.  I honestly just want to be done.  I'm tired of the program.  I'm tired of doing nothing but loops in lessons.  I'm annoyed at my costume because somehow the skirt got bleached in one spot so I want a new one. (And it was SO pretty!).  If I pass my test, all these things can change.
I had a scare last week that made me physically ill.  The warm up was so awful I was ready to withdraw.  It set me up for certain failure.  I was on the ice with skaters who would run me over (senior, novice, intermediate, 2 juv, 2 pre-juv.  And the senior skater is one who is far beyond senior free test level, already being a competitive senior pair), and who I'd worry about messing up their warm ups. And I was the last of 8 skaters to go.    Thankfully, it has since been revised.  Now I just have to worry about swiss cheese ice (2 hours since zamboni, and I'm still the last freeskater).  I just have the juv and pre-juv kids to deal with now.

Carson is actually going to be at the test session.  I kind of wish he wasn't.  I have sinking feeling it will be just like the last.  I'll skate my best, but best isn't bronze.  I'd rather not have witnesses.  Kevin has to work (you know, like most adults do Friday at 2:00- I'm taking vacation) so there will be no video.  Just typing about my test my heart rate has sky rocketed.  I feel like I'm prepared, but what good is that? My loop still sucks. But at least I got to get new eyeliner- I got the kind with sparkles.