Bummed...

So apparently I'm more disappointed than I thought I would be.  I mean- I knew going into the test my loop sucked, and if the judges really held the standard I shouldn't pass.  But I also knew I'm as good as most of the bronze skaters in the area, and the day before one of the judges told me I'm better than one of them...  I guess it was kind of disheartening because, really, if the judges expect a fully rotated loop, and I can't make it up by the strength of my other elements (a judge on skating forums says this is a "serious error" and requires a retry) then I won't pass this test.  I am not going to be able to do a full loop.  And that really doesn't matter to me.  I don't really enjoy jumping, and I certainly don't enjoy jumping on my left leg.  It hurts my knees and my ankles.  But apparently there isn't going to be a "good enough".  I'm not going to not try the test again, but it looks like I'm just gambling on lenient judges...  Adult nationals might not be in my future...

But I digress.  So yeah, I'm more bummed than I thought.  I nearly cried on the way to skating today.  I just didn't want to go.   It made me think of the scene from "Center Stage" where the Mom pulls the 'chubby' girl from the academy "Ballet used to make her happy."  Yeah, skating used to do that.  Now I come home crying.  Or go there crying.

Why am I doing this?

It used to be hard, but I liked it.  Now i'm just frustrated with it.  I'm not good at anything anymore.  In basic skills, I was good- I could balance and picked up skills relatively fast.  In low freestyle, well I sucked at jumps, but I had decent spins.  Now- nothing.  My spins aren't even good anymore, and they just frustrate me.

I don't know what to do to get back to happy with skating.

Maybe the answer is remember Saturday.  I was freaking thrilled on Saturday.  How quickly the tide turned...

Also, I want my scratch spin back.